I've waited in line for movies.  I've waited in line for rides at theme parks.  I've even waited in line to buy tickets so I could wait in another line.  I just can't fathom why anyone would wait in a line for coffee and the spend $5 dollars on a cup of it.  I've actually had people excuse their tardiness by saying they were stuck in line at Starbucks.

Holy shit!  It's fuckin' coffee!! 

Stand in line for the new Disneyland ride.  Stand in line for the movie the world has been waiting for.  Why on Earth would you stand in line and pay some ludicrous amount of money when you can set a timer on your coffee pot at home?  Awaken to the splendid aroma of coffee perking knowing you don't have to stand in line for it.

Remember the good old days?  You know: the days before Starbucks.  Or the second choice Peet's.  The days when you could spend a buck (yes, a buck. I'm not that old!) on a cup of coffee and just keep refilling it until you slipped into a caffeine coma.

I don't even drink coffee.  My poison (for now) is Diet Pepsi.  It used to be Mountain Dew.  (Ahhhhhh Mountain Dew...nectar of the gods.)

Some of the people I work with drink coffee.  Every now and then it becomes, "Where did I put my coffee?  I didn't finish it did I?"  So of course I never miss an opportunity to rip on coffee drinkers.  Remember that nimrod that burned herself with the coffee from McDonald's some years ago?  Put the scalding hot coffee between her legs while she was driving and couldn't figure out why she got burned.  Dumbass.

A few months ago Starbucks (all of them) closed early for a night to go over some training stuff with their employees.  Coffee drinkers across the country lost their fucking minds.  Saw them on the news crying about not having anywhere to use WiFi; not being able to function properly 'cause they couldn't get their coffee;  pissing about having to get their coffee from Peet's.

What a bunch of whiny-ass coffee-drinking pansies.  Holy shit!!  Go home and turn on you god-damn coffee pot.

Now Starbucks has announced the closure of 600 of its underperforming locations.  The cry-babies are at it again.  In a world where there are more Starbucks than there are extinct species of dinosaur, these fools are whining about having to go further to get their coffee.  Oh gee.  Is driving that extra 3 blocks really that much of an inconvenience?

I live in a town of around 61,000 people.  We have 3 Starbucks which I think is too many.  There are college campuses with 3 Starbucks on them.  I think this is best parodied in Shrek 2 when Mongo destroys a Farbucks.  In a panic all the patrons run across the street to another Farbucks.

Alright.  I feel better now.  I probably shouldn't drink so much soda before I sit down to do one of these blogs.

By the way...if you made it this far I'll let you in on a little secret:  The title of this blog is not what I had originally intended.  I was going to use the following quote:

"No, thank you, I take it black, like my men."

Out of context like that I'm afraid some of you may have misunderstood.  It's a line from the movie Airplane!